[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

the hands of a drowning man.
 My God! & My God! & Oh, Bess! & Forgive me! Never mind what I ve done  what
I ve thought. But forgive me. I ll give you my life. I ll live for you. I ll
love you. Oh, I do love you as no man ever loved a woman. I want you to know 
to remember that I fought a fight for you  however blind I was. I thought  I
thought  never mind what I thought  but I loved you  I asked you to marry
me. Let that  let me have that to hug to my heart. Oh, Bess, I was driven!
And I might have known! I could not rest nor sleep till I had this mystery
solved. God! how things work out!
 Bern, you re weak  trembling  you talk wildly, cried Bess.  You ve
overdone your strength. There s nothing to forgive. There s no mystery except
your love for me. You have come back to me!
And she clasped his head tenderly in her arms and pressed it closely to her
throbbing breast.
Chapter 19
Fay
Page 147
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
At the home of Jane Withersteen Little Fay was climbing Lassiter s knee.
 Does oo love me? she asked.
Lassiter, who was as serious with Fay as he was gentle and loving, assured
her in earnest and elaborate speech that he was her devoted subject. Fay
looked thoughtful and appeared to be debating the duplicity of men or
searching for a supreme test to prove this cavalier.
 Does oo love my new muvver? she asked, with bewildering suddenness.
Jane Withersteen laughed, and for the first time in many a day she felt a
stir of her pulse and warmth in her cheek.
It was a still drowsy summer of afternoon, and the three were sitting in the
shade of the wooded knoll that faced the sage-slope Little Fay s brief spell
of unhappy longing for her mother  the childish, mystic gloom  had passed,
and now where Fay was there were prattle and laughter and glee. She had
emerged Iron sorrow to be the incarnation of joy and loveliness. She had growl
supernaturally sweet and beautiful. For Jane Withersteen the child was an
answer to prayer, a blessing, a possession infinitely more precious than all
she had lost. For Lassiter, Jane divined that little Fay had become a
religion.
 Does oo love my new muvver? repeated Fay.
Lassiter s answer to this was a modest and sincere affirmative.
 Why don t oo marry my new muvver an be my favver?
Of the thousands of questions put by little Fay to Lassiter the was the first
he had been unable to answer.
 Fay  Fay, don t ask questions like that, said Jane.
 Why?
 Because, replied Jane. And she found it strangely embarrassing to meet the
child s gaze. It seemed to her that Fay s violet eyes looked through her with
piercing wisdom.
 Oo love him, don t oo?
 Dear child  run and play, said Jane,  but don t go too far. Don t go from
this little hill.
Fay pranced off wildly, joyous over freedom that had not been granted her for
weeks.
 Jane, why are children more sincere than grown-up persons? asked Lassiter.
 Are they?
 I reckon so. Little Fay there  she sees things as they appear on the face.
An Indian does that. So does a dog. An an Indian an a dog are most of the
time right in what they see. Mebbe a child is always right.
 Well, what does Fay see? asked Jane.
 I reckon you know. I wonder what goes on in Fay s mind when she sees part of
Page 148
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
the truth with the wise eyes of a child, an wantin to know more, meets with
strange falseness from you? Wait! You are false in a way, though you re the
best woman I ever knew. What I want to say is this. Fay has taken you re
pretendin to  to care for me for the thing it looks on the face. An her
little formin mind asks questions. An the answers she gets are different
from the looks of things. So she ll grow up gradually takin on that
falseness, an be like the rest of the women, an men, too. An the truth of
this falseness to life is proved by your appearin to love me when you don t.
Things aran t what they seem.
 Lassiter, you re right. A child should be told the absolute truth. But  is
that possible? I haven t been able to do it, and all my life I ve loved the
truth, and I ve prided myself upon being truthful. Maybe that was only
egotism. I m learning much, my friend. Some of those blinding scales have
fallen from my eyes. And  and as to caring for you, I think I care a great
deal. How much, how little, I couldn t say. My heart is almost broken.
Lassiter. So now is not a good time to judge of affection. I can still play
and be merry with Fay. I can still dream. But when I attempt serious thought
I m dazed. I don t think. I don t care any more. I don t pray! & Think of
that, my friend! But in spite of my numb feeling I believe I ll rise out of
all this dark agony a better woman, with greater love of man and God. I m on
the rack now; I m senseless to all but pain, and growing dead to that. Sooner
or later I shall rise out of this stupor. I m waiting the hour.
 It ll soon come, Jane, replied Lassiter, soberly.  Then I m afraid for you.
Years are terrible things, an for years you ve been bound. Habit of years is
strong as life itself. Somehow, though, I believe as you  that you ll come
out of it all a finer woman. I m waitin , too. An I m wonderin  I reckon,
Jane, that marriage between us is out of all human reason?
 Lassiter! & My dear friend! & It s impossible for us to marry!
 Why  as Fay says? inquired Lassiter, with gentle persistence.
 Why! I never thought why. But it s not possible. I am Jane, daughter of
Withersteen. My father would rise out of his grave. I m of Mormon birth. I m
being broken. But I m still a Mormon woman. And you  you are Lassiter!
 Mebbe I m not so much Lassiter as I used to be.
 What was it you said? Habit of years is strong as life itself! You can t
change the one habit  the purpose of your life. For you still pack those
black guns! You still nurse your passion for blood.
A smile, like a shadow, flickered across his face.
 No.
 Lassiter, I lied to you. But I beg of you  don t you lie to me. I ve great
respect for you. I believe you re softened toward most, perhaps all, my people
except  But when I speak of your purpose, your hate, your guns, I have only
him in mind. I don t believe you ve changed.
For answer he unbuckled the heavy cartridge-belt, and laid it with the heavy,
swing gun-sheaths in her lap.
 Lassiter! Jane whispered, as she gazed from him to the black, cold guns.
Without them he appeared shorn of strength, defenseless, a smaller man. Was
she Delilah? Swiftly, conscious of only one motive  refusal to see this man
called craven by his enemies  she rose, and with blundering fingers buckled
Page 149
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
the belt round his waist where it belonged.
 Lassiter, I am a coward.
 Come with me out of Utah  where I can put away my guns an be a man, he
said.  I reckon I ll prove it to you then! Come! You ve got Black Star back,
an Night an Bells. Let s take the racers an little Fay, an race out of
Utah. The hosses an the child are all you have left. Come! [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]